I confess, I never really know what to do with the (women’s)
mentorship passages in the Bible.
For example, Titus 2:3-5. “ the older women likewise, that they be
reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good
things— that they admonish the young women to love
their husbands, to love their children, to
be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own
husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
Now
obviously, I am older than some. I work with the teens in the youth group, and
I can do my best to model and teach godly behavior.
However,
I see a difficulty here. None of these teens have husbands or children. I also
have neither husband nor children. I guess I just ignore those portions? Do I
admonish them to love their parents and siblings, instead? Maybe I just focus
on the being discreet, being chaste, being good homemakers—oh wait, scratch
that one too. Um, maybe teach and encourage them to do their chores?—, being
good, and being obedient to their own [parents?]. It’s difficult to model
relationships I’m not a part of to students who aren’t at that level either.
So, I’ll just model a few steps ahead of them. Just as married women can mentor
younger married women, perhaps I as a single woman can mentor younger single women.
I can model reverent behavior, and teach them to be loving in the relationships
which they are involved in now.
I also
see a difficulty on the other side. I know how I can mentor, but the BEING
mentored part has more ponderous problems.
Everyone
is busy. It’s hard to find the time to really speak into someone’s life. Part
of that is “lack of time,” and part of that is just that we like to talk, but
we don’t often say much. It’s uncomfortable to get close, because then we’ll
see each other, warts and all. I can talk with the teens about school and
family, but it’s more difficult to ask them about their dreams or their
struggles. I’m not trying to devalue small talk. Talking about school or work
is important, because for most people it is a big part of their life.
Discussing family or music or movies is a way to get to know each other. Once I
get to know someone, I have to make sure that I take the time to find out what is
important to them so that I can offer encouragement. Relationships take time,
and I know that I struggle with making people a priority.
Also again,
I’m single. Should I be mentored by an older, single woman? An older, married
woman can’t teach me to love a husband that I don’t have. Do they prepare me
for the possibility that I will one day be married? (What if I never do get
married? I recognize that the preparation would be beneficial anyways, as it
would teach me the basic principles of love and selflessness, which reach far
beyond the bounds of husband and wife relationships.) And, I have no children
(the having of a husband is a prerequisite for me for that). I guess I am
involved a lot with children, so perhaps they can show and teach me to love
these kids.
There
are more problems. Since I am single, it’s hard to meet with people. I’m
friends with many families. I love the kids, the parents, and I enjoy spending
time with them. However, if I want to spend time with these mothers (these
older women), I can tend to be either a babysitter (spending time with the kids
and not the parent) or a distraction (spending time with the parent while the
kids are left to their own devices). I could also be spending time with the
whole family, but I’m still not getting opportunity to go deeper with the older
woman. I do realize that teaching can be done through social time, and I can
learn from these mothers through interacting with the kids, the mother, and the
family together. The woman’s example as she interacts with her family can be a
guide to me.
I’ve
mentioned that people are busy a lot. Families are no exception. If I don’t get
invited over, I can’t afford to invite them out to eat. Being single, I can’t
invite them over to my house. I don’t have one. Or, should I just invite myself
over to people’s houses? This doesn’t seem as strange to me, but it does seem a
little forward or even rude. I’d feel like I was imposing.
Another
big problem is the area of obtaining a mentor. According to this passage, these
older women who are desirous that God’s Word should not be blasphemed, should
teach and admonish the younger women. How do I obtain a mentor? Or, sometimes
I’m even bold enough to ask, should I even be looking for a mentor?
I’m
not saying that I think teaching and mentorship to be a bad thing. On the
contrary, it is essential.
These
older women who are passionate about serving God and others, and want to follow
God’s Word and teach younger women will be seeking out younger women. They will
find me, and they have. We talk about life and work and family.
Now I
come to another problem. The passage tells the older women to teach specific
things; things specific to married people. So, if a godly, passionate, older
woman seeks to follow this passage of Scripture, then surely they will be
looking for a younger, married woman to mentor and teach. It seems like they
wouldn’t be looking for . . . me. Our culture has a good many young, single
women who may have a difficult time knowing where they fit in.
There
are a couple different ways of looking at the idea of a mentor. On the one
hand, a mentor can be someone influential. A counselor or advisor. A supporter.
Or, a mentor can be more like a coach, a life coach, whom you meet with for the
specific purpose of going deeper and discussing life and struggles.
Let’s
suppose that I decide that I need a mentor. The life coach kind. Let’s also
suppose that nobody has volunteered. And, let’s suppose that I decide that it’s
up to me to find one. Now what?
Do I
try out every older lady in the church until I find one that works? Is it like
dating? Do I make observations and try to narrow down the list until I find
“the one” and then approach her to see if she’s willing?
As a
woman, I have to search for a mentor. Where do I look? The teachers? Okay, so
we’ve got the elementary teachers and the nursery teachers. Yes, obviously they
are a good choice for their example of servitude, and I can learn from their
examples as they teach and interact with the children in their classes. There
are also the leaders of women’s small groups, who demonstrate their service,
and perhaps the deacons’ wives would be good options to explore.
God
has given me a church family full of women. Family. I have grandmothers who
check up with me. I have sisters, both older and younger. I have aunts, and I
have mothers who mother me with encouragement and affection. (None greater than
my own mother, who has been my confidant and counselor as well as my greatest
cheerleader and challenger. My own coach. My best example of maternal mentorship.
) In this Family, we stand together as sisters in Christ, holding hands and
helping each other along through this life.
There
are options out there for a mentor, but they must be sought out, asked for, and
worked for in order to maintain. I suppose that’s life.
It is
just difficult to know what my responsibility is as the younger woman,
especially as a single one.
Any
older women out there who can teach me the answer to that?
