Maternal Mentorship

I confess, I never really know what to do with the (women’s) mentorship passages in the Bible.

For example, Titus 2:3-5. “ the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—  that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Now obviously, I am older than some. I work with the teens in the youth group, and I can do my best to model and teach godly behavior.

However, I see a difficulty here. None of these teens have husbands or children. I also have neither husband nor children. I guess I just ignore those portions? Do I admonish them to love their parents and siblings, instead? Maybe I just focus on the being discreet, being chaste, being good homemakers—oh wait, scratch that one too. Um, maybe teach and encourage them to do their chores?—, being good, and being obedient to their own [parents?]. It’s difficult to model relationships I’m not a part of to students who aren’t at that level either. So, I’ll just model a few steps ahead of them. Just as married women can mentor younger married women, perhaps I as a single woman can mentor younger single women. I can model reverent behavior, and teach them to be loving in the relationships which they are involved in now.

I also see a difficulty on the other side. I know how I can mentor, but the BEING mentored part has more ponderous problems.

Everyone is busy. It’s hard to find the time to really speak into someone’s life. Part of that is “lack of time,” and part of that is just that we like to talk, but we don’t often say much. It’s uncomfortable to get close, because then we’ll see each other, warts and all. I can talk with the teens about school and family, but it’s more difficult to ask them about their dreams or their struggles. I’m not trying to devalue small talk. Talking about school or work is important, because for most people it is a big part of their life. Discussing family or music or movies is a way to get to know each other. Once I get to know someone, I have to make sure that I take the time to find out what is important to them so that I can offer encouragement. Relationships take time, and I know that I struggle with making people a priority.

Also again, I’m single. Should I be mentored by an older, single woman? An older, married woman can’t teach me to love a husband that I don’t have. Do they prepare me for the possibility that I will one day be married? (What if I never do get married? I recognize that the preparation would be beneficial anyways, as it would teach me the basic principles of love and selflessness, which reach far beyond the bounds of husband and wife relationships.) And, I have no children (the having of a husband is a prerequisite for me for that). I guess I am involved a lot with children, so perhaps they can show and teach me to love these kids.

There are more problems. Since I am single, it’s hard to meet with people. I’m friends with many families. I love the kids, the parents, and I enjoy spending time with them. However, if I want to spend time with these mothers (these older women), I can tend to be either a babysitter (spending time with the kids and not the parent) or a distraction (spending time with the parent while the kids are left to their own devices). I could also be spending time with the whole family, but I’m still not getting opportunity to go deeper with the older woman. I do realize that teaching can be done through social time, and I can learn from these mothers through interacting with the kids, the mother, and the family together. The woman’s example as she interacts with her family can be a guide to me.

I’ve mentioned that people are busy a lot. Families are no exception. If I don’t get invited over, I can’t afford to invite them out to eat. Being single, I can’t invite them over to my house. I don’t have one. Or, should I just invite myself over to people’s houses? This doesn’t seem as strange to me, but it does seem a little forward or even rude. I’d feel like I was imposing.

Another big problem is the area of obtaining a mentor. According to this passage, these older women who are desirous that God’s Word should not be blasphemed, should teach and admonish the younger women. How do I obtain a mentor? Or, sometimes I’m even bold enough to ask, should I even be looking for a mentor?

I’m not saying that I think teaching and mentorship to be a bad thing. On the contrary, it is essential.

These older women who are passionate about serving God and others, and want to follow God’s Word and teach younger women will be seeking out younger women. They will find me, and they have. We talk about life and work and family.

Now I come to another problem. The passage tells the older women to teach specific things; things specific to married people. So, if a godly, passionate, older woman seeks to follow this passage of Scripture, then surely they will be looking for a younger, married woman to mentor and teach. It seems like they wouldn’t be looking for . . . me. Our culture has a good many young, single women who may have a difficult time knowing where they fit in.

There are a couple different ways of looking at the idea of a mentor. On the one hand, a mentor can be someone influential. A counselor or advisor. A supporter. Or, a mentor can be more like a coach, a life coach, whom you meet with for the specific purpose of going deeper and discussing life and struggles.

Let’s suppose that I decide that I need a mentor. The life coach kind. Let’s also suppose that nobody has volunteered. And, let’s suppose that I decide that it’s up to me to find one. Now what?

Do I try out every older lady in the church until I find one that works? Is it like dating? Do I make observations and try to narrow down the list until I find “the one” and then approach her to see if she’s willing?

As a woman, I have to search for a mentor. Where do I look? The teachers? Okay, so we’ve got the elementary teachers and the nursery teachers. Yes, obviously they are a good choice for their example of servitude, and I can learn from their examples as they teach and interact with the children in their classes. There are also the leaders of women’s small groups, who demonstrate their service, and perhaps the deacons’ wives would be good options to explore.

God has given me a church family full of women. Family. I have grandmothers who check up with me. I have sisters, both older and younger. I have aunts, and I have mothers who mother me with encouragement and affection. (None greater than my own mother, who has been my confidant and counselor as well as my greatest cheerleader and challenger. My own coach. My best example of maternal mentorship. ) In this Family, we stand together as sisters in Christ, holding hands and helping each other along through this life.

There are options out there for a mentor, but they must be sought out, asked for, and worked for in order to maintain. I suppose that’s life.

It is just difficult to know what my responsibility is as the younger woman, especially as a single one.

Any older women out there who can teach me the answer to that?

Freedom Found in the Gospel

Pastor's sermon today reminded me of another sermon he gave over a year ago, in March of last year. The sermon title was "Pass it On." This particular message has stuck with me, and being reminded of it, I had to go back and learn from it again.

Today's message "Patterns of Good Works," was a challenge to the menfolk. These men are to be on fire for God, living in the freedom which the Gospel gives to us. We're not obligated to pay for our salvation, but we are motivated to good works by grace.
We've been set free from needing things. Alcohol. Drugs. Even coffee (me genoito, may it never be!) They don't control us.
As Christians, we should be known for what we are free from.
We're free from the opinions of others, instead, able to let God's opinion shape us.
We're free from laziness, doubt, self-centeredness, and fear. We're even free from the immediate, as God helps us to look beyond our current circumstances. To quote Rafiki in "Lion King 1 1/2," we've got to, "Look beyond what you see."
It is the Gospel which sets us free.

The reason this reminded me of the "Pass it on" sermon is the pattern of excellence which is evidence of a life surrendered to God; the theme of freedom. I wrote a poem about the Three Chairs concept from that sermon, and here is a portion of that poem.

"Was I prepared to choose
A choice where I’d be free
To do my will? Or, did I want
To free myself of me?

Resolved, I made my choice,
And sat in Chair One.
I chose to sit upon God’s grace,
And rest in victory won.
True freedom came at last
When I was born above,
And gave up all my chains of Want
To be bound in chains of Love!

True freedom, then, at last!!
No burden left to bear.
God took possession of my heart,
And I will leave it there!"

Pastor's sermon this week continued to explain the need of examples for the young men.
Another portion of the poem:

"My life is a message,
Which others, surely, will read.
Does my life show them the Truth and the Way
So they, too, can be freed?"

Our lives are meant to demonstrate these good works, not to show how good we are, but to show how good our God is, that we are now free to serve Him. We're not free to do whatever we want. That would inevitably lead us once more into captivity. All the strivings of this world are never satisfied. We are freed from ourselves. We are free to be bound with Christ to God in love, through the freeing power of the Gospel.
The good works that follow are a manifestation of freedom born in our hearts, a demonstration of our newfound identity as children of God.
John 8:36 "Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."
2 Corinthians 3:17 "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty."

http://kaikaisheart.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-three-chairs.html
http://templebaptistfircrest.sermoncampus.info/main/main/9841729

THE BEST FRIEND

Who is there who can see into sorrow and speak into the silence, drawing out confessions of depression as poison from a wound?

Isolation breeds loneliness, and loneliness breeds isolation; a vicious circle with a public smile, and all the while the heart is rocked on an endless sea, an ocean of emotion where the only peace is found in a solid Savior Who rides beside in the silent storm.

Where is a faithful friend who will fight for freedom, who will break through walls, listening to life, and learning to understand; to hear the broken song of the soul, and to heal through the hearing, mending cracks by knowing them?

Am I to only ever have one, true friend? Then, I pour out my soul to God alone, for He alone cares enough to dare to know the state of my soul and to carry my outpourings for me, so I, known and loved, can rise renewed.

My heart cannot heal unless heard. My Friend, my only True Friend, never fails in His faithful efforts for my freedom, freeing me from myself.

“So many people claim that they have unfailing love, but who can find a faithful friend?” Pr. 20:6

“Unreliable friends bring one to ruin. But, there is a Friend, the best Friend, Who sticks closer than a brother.” Pr. 18:24

Things I love:

Beginning the drive home just as the sunset begins so that I can watch it set throughout the entire drive. The sun reflected off the road, and ignited my imagination. The golden sun created golden pavement as if I were travelling on a highway of gold. With a halo of clouds adorning it, the sun sank into a large cloud pillow. It seemed to be going to bed and peeked sleepily over the clouds once more before sinking into darkness. It all served to remind me of God's beauty and control, and I arrived home with hope as if the sun had passed its final spark of light directly into my heart.

THE THREE CHAIRS

Wednesday 3-6-2013

I saw three Chairs before me,
And I knew I had to choose.
Which chair would I sit in?
Which chair would I use?
I stopped and thought awhile
For my life was at stake.
The very nature of my heart
Was the choice that I would make.

The First Chair was appealing
For it was close to God.
A life absorbed in God alone,
No fear and no façade.
Just God and me, together.
We’d never be apart.
I’d follow His commands and Words.
He’d have all of my heart!

Yet, such a Chair was costly.
It asked so much of me.
I’d have to set aside my ways.
Didn’t know how I’d be free.
I was afraid of losing
Myself in all His care.
And so, I looked beyond Chair One
For a less demanding Chair.

The Second Chair seemed simple,
Not requiring all my days.
I’d still have God, but I would choose
What times to offer praise.
God would be in the corner
If I ever needed His aid,
And I could choose to come or go,
No matter if I’d prayed.

Yet, this Chair, too, was costly,
For I could never win
If I would still share my life
With the likes of Him.
My life would be a stalemate
Between this God and me.
I’d live with guilt for all my life,
And still not be free.

The Third Chair was alluring.
I’d be free to do MY will.
I could go and do anything,
And drink of life to the fill!
I wouldn’t need guilt
To tell me what to do.
I would get to judge my life,
Deciding what was true.

Yet, this Chair’s cost was highest
For I knew I’d lose my soul.
I knew I had to fix my sight
On a more eternal goal.
If I ignored God,
Pretended I’m alright,
I’d never open up for HIM
To set my life aright.

The Chairs sat and stared,
And I stared, too.
I knew my heart was hinged upon
The choice that I would choose.
Was I prepared to choose
A choice where I’d be free
To do my will? Or, did I want
To free myself of me?

Resolved, I made my choice,
And sat in Chair One.
I chose to sit upon God’s grace,
And rest in victory won.
True freedom came at last
When I was born above,
And gave up all my chains of Want
To be bound in chains of Love!

True freedom, then, at last!!
No burden left to bear.
God took possession of my heart,
And I will leave it there!
His Word will lead and guide.
I’ll follow His decree,
For I am lost inside His love.
Content. Just God and me.

Then, as I sat in joy,
I looked around to see
A crowd of other people who
Were drawing near to me.
Friends, family, children,
And some I didn’t know.
And yet, all seemed to look on me
To see where they should go.

I sat, then, in awe,
Of the choice that I had made.
I hadn’t truly known the reach
Of the truth my choice conveyed.
My life is a message,
Which others, surely, will read.
Does my life show them the Truth and the Way
So they, too, can be freed?

God plans and works to bless the world,
And will I pass it on?
I’ve learned that what you do not have
You surely can’t pass on.
I live God’s blessings, then,
And I will seek to share
With those around so they may know
The blessings of First Chair.

I can put on a show,
And fake holy zeal.
But, how can I point to real life
If I’m not being real?
In reality, work is required,
And if I want to bless,
I must embrace God’s Work and Word
And considerably invest.

If I sow in the flesh
I’ll only reap corruption.
But, if I choose to sow in Spirit,
I will reap salvation.
I cannot write my eulogy,
Except in how I live.
A legacy eternally sound
Is what I long to give.

I look back to my choice,
And then I look ahead.
What legacy will I have left
When I at last am dead?
Though it will cost my life,
Still, I will serve on,
And always, always, ask myself,
What will I pass on?

Feelings. Faith. Facts.

Feelings following faith, following the facts from the Father.

We follow the facts, the promises of our Father's favor and faithfulness, standing firm in the foundational truths articulated in the autographs of the immutable, infallible God.

Though the fortitude of our faith flows, the facts never fluctuate and are never found to fail. The facts fortify the flow of our faith, keeping it fast and firm.

Our feelings fluctuate further and more frequently than our faith. Yet, the facts remain firm. Follow the facts, finding them firmly founded in God's flawless and perfectly faithful nature, and your feelings will fall in line.

If our fluctuating feelings follow our flowing faith, which follows foundational fact, then we will be following the Father and despite the difficulties and fears in life, we will be firmly fastened in His faithfulness.

Praying is a Dangerous Thing. You Could end up Changed.

The Lord's Prayer:

Daddy, You're above all, and Your Name is above all other names. Your Name is holy, and You're set apart and sacred in Your majesty. No one is like You.
God, You reign in heaven, above all, and I want You to reign in my heart and in my life so that I will be ready to do Your will. I see You at work here in this world, and it gets me so excited! I want to see more! I want You to use me to accomplish Your purposes here on this earth just like Your puproses are fulfilled in heaven. I want to serve You.
Please, continue to provide for me the things that I need for living and serving today, but don't give me too much, or I'll grow complacent and begin to think that I don't need You.
I need Your grace and mercy, because I fail so often. Remind me of that grace when I see others' shortcomings and how they have failed me. God, I know that it's only through Your mercy that I stand, and I can't stand in Your mercy if I'm not living mercifully.
Don't let me chase after my own desires above You. Don't even let me go one step down that path. We both know where that leads, and we both know it ain't pretty. I'm easily overcome when it's up to me. I don't want to stray away from You, but I need Your help with this one. Every time I put something before You in importance, I'm following my own path into evil. You're going to have to save me from all these evils, because I'm tempted a lot. Only You can rescue me from myself.
You're the One Who reigns, You alone possess the power to get things done, and You get all the recognition for Your perfect works.
Truth.