Maternal Mentorship

I confess, I never really know what to do with the (women’s) mentorship passages in the Bible.

For example, Titus 2:3-5. “ the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—  that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Now obviously, I am older than some. I work with the teens in the youth group, and I can do my best to model and teach godly behavior.

However, I see a difficulty here. None of these teens have husbands or children. I also have neither husband nor children. I guess I just ignore those portions? Do I admonish them to love their parents and siblings, instead? Maybe I just focus on the being discreet, being chaste, being good homemakers—oh wait, scratch that one too. Um, maybe teach and encourage them to do their chores?—, being good, and being obedient to their own [parents?]. It’s difficult to model relationships I’m not a part of to students who aren’t at that level either. So, I’ll just model a few steps ahead of them. Just as married women can mentor younger married women, perhaps I as a single woman can mentor younger single women. I can model reverent behavior, and teach them to be loving in the relationships which they are involved in now.

I also see a difficulty on the other side. I know how I can mentor, but the BEING mentored part has more ponderous problems.

Everyone is busy. It’s hard to find the time to really speak into someone’s life. Part of that is “lack of time,” and part of that is just that we like to talk, but we don’t often say much. It’s uncomfortable to get close, because then we’ll see each other, warts and all. I can talk with the teens about school and family, but it’s more difficult to ask them about their dreams or their struggles. I’m not trying to devalue small talk. Talking about school or work is important, because for most people it is a big part of their life. Discussing family or music or movies is a way to get to know each other. Once I get to know someone, I have to make sure that I take the time to find out what is important to them so that I can offer encouragement. Relationships take time, and I know that I struggle with making people a priority.

Also again, I’m single. Should I be mentored by an older, single woman? An older, married woman can’t teach me to love a husband that I don’t have. Do they prepare me for the possibility that I will one day be married? (What if I never do get married? I recognize that the preparation would be beneficial anyways, as it would teach me the basic principles of love and selflessness, which reach far beyond the bounds of husband and wife relationships.) And, I have no children (the having of a husband is a prerequisite for me for that). I guess I am involved a lot with children, so perhaps they can show and teach me to love these kids.

There are more problems. Since I am single, it’s hard to meet with people. I’m friends with many families. I love the kids, the parents, and I enjoy spending time with them. However, if I want to spend time with these mothers (these older women), I can tend to be either a babysitter (spending time with the kids and not the parent) or a distraction (spending time with the parent while the kids are left to their own devices). I could also be spending time with the whole family, but I’m still not getting opportunity to go deeper with the older woman. I do realize that teaching can be done through social time, and I can learn from these mothers through interacting with the kids, the mother, and the family together. The woman’s example as she interacts with her family can be a guide to me.

I’ve mentioned that people are busy a lot. Families are no exception. If I don’t get invited over, I can’t afford to invite them out to eat. Being single, I can’t invite them over to my house. I don’t have one. Or, should I just invite myself over to people’s houses? This doesn’t seem as strange to me, but it does seem a little forward or even rude. I’d feel like I was imposing.

Another big problem is the area of obtaining a mentor. According to this passage, these older women who are desirous that God’s Word should not be blasphemed, should teach and admonish the younger women. How do I obtain a mentor? Or, sometimes I’m even bold enough to ask, should I even be looking for a mentor?

I’m not saying that I think teaching and mentorship to be a bad thing. On the contrary, it is essential.

These older women who are passionate about serving God and others, and want to follow God’s Word and teach younger women will be seeking out younger women. They will find me, and they have. We talk about life and work and family.

Now I come to another problem. The passage tells the older women to teach specific things; things specific to married people. So, if a godly, passionate, older woman seeks to follow this passage of Scripture, then surely they will be looking for a younger, married woman to mentor and teach. It seems like they wouldn’t be looking for . . . me. Our culture has a good many young, single women who may have a difficult time knowing where they fit in.

There are a couple different ways of looking at the idea of a mentor. On the one hand, a mentor can be someone influential. A counselor or advisor. A supporter. Or, a mentor can be more like a coach, a life coach, whom you meet with for the specific purpose of going deeper and discussing life and struggles.

Let’s suppose that I decide that I need a mentor. The life coach kind. Let’s also suppose that nobody has volunteered. And, let’s suppose that I decide that it’s up to me to find one. Now what?

Do I try out every older lady in the church until I find one that works? Is it like dating? Do I make observations and try to narrow down the list until I find “the one” and then approach her to see if she’s willing?

As a woman, I have to search for a mentor. Where do I look? The teachers? Okay, so we’ve got the elementary teachers and the nursery teachers. Yes, obviously they are a good choice for their example of servitude, and I can learn from their examples as they teach and interact with the children in their classes. There are also the leaders of women’s small groups, who demonstrate their service, and perhaps the deacons’ wives would be good options to explore.

God has given me a church family full of women. Family. I have grandmothers who check up with me. I have sisters, both older and younger. I have aunts, and I have mothers who mother me with encouragement and affection. (None greater than my own mother, who has been my confidant and counselor as well as my greatest cheerleader and challenger. My own coach. My best example of maternal mentorship. ) In this Family, we stand together as sisters in Christ, holding hands and helping each other along through this life.

There are options out there for a mentor, but they must be sought out, asked for, and worked for in order to maintain. I suppose that’s life.

It is just difficult to know what my responsibility is as the younger woman, especially as a single one.

Any older women out there who can teach me the answer to that?